I'm not even gone yet, but I'm already missing certain things. Here are some of them:
* obviously, my family and friends. <3 you all.
* Community, 30 Rock and Glee. Plus a few other shows. But those are my favorites and I don't know how I'll survive being a whole season behind on them!
* sushi. I've become obsessed. I don't imagine Spain will have real good sushi.
* frozen yogurt. yummmmmmm. Hopefully they'll have some of that in Spain.
* laundry. I like drying my clothes. As terrible as it is for the fabric. And the environment? I don't like line-drying things, but guess I'll have to get used to it since nobody uses dryers over yonder.
* my cute little centrally-located apartment. Although I won't miss how much it costs.
* Solid Rock church and my house church. Love it.
* working out with a trainer. It's just not the same without one.
* the English language.
* having a full closet of clothes, shoes, etc. One suitcase's worth won't go very far...
* having money in the bank....stupid tuition. And stupid people who won't give me any scholarships.
Wow this sounds negative. I will miss all this, but am soooooo excited for all the great things that I will find in Spain. The things that I will miss when I come back!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
¡Sí se puede!
Spain it is! I'm leaving in 4 days. 4 days. Cuatro días. Wow. I had kind of decided not to go, so its weird to be going now. It's like a new thing, I'm excited all over again. But also stressed. Because now I have 4 days to pack, get everything together, etc. Seems like a whole lot to do in four days. But I keep reminding myself that I can always buy whatever I forget. Although I need to make this a budget trip as I'm already spending X thousand dollars to go. Ay yi yi. A lot of money. Stupid government won't give me any grants and no one will give me a scholarship >:( Come on, people, I'm worth it. Anyone on here want to fund my semester in Spain??????
No takers? Boo. Well, time to figure out what to pack. And practice my Spanish. How many bags am I allowed again....? ¿Cuantas maletas puedo tomar de nuevo?
No takers? Boo. Well, time to figure out what to pack. And practice my Spanish. How many bags am I allowed again....? ¿Cuantas maletas puedo tomar de nuevo?
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
decisions, decisions
This past week has been insane. This summer has gone by soooo quickly. This past year has been a whirlwind.
But back to this past week. Yikes. One of the most stressful of my life I think. Class, work, a final (for an impossibly hard class), moving, saying good-bye (even if not forever), change, lots of change, mom's surgery.....phew. I didn't know if I would make it, but here I am! Might sound ridiculous, on paper it doesn't sound that stressful. But it was just a lot going on all at once. And now, it's decision time.
When I first made plans for the trip to Spain, we found out mom was going to have to have surgery to fix a problem she's had for many years, since the birth of an almost-11-pound baby. I was nervous enough to be gone while she was recovering from that. I wanted to be there if she needed help and just to offer my support and love. Then we found out she had cancer, and would have to have that surgery before the other one. And I was even more nervous to be gone, since the recovery would be tougher and there was mention of a slight possibility of needing chemo. Then, we found out the cancer was not only in the right breast, but also in the sentinel node on the right side. So now we are waiting to find out if its in more than one of the nodes, and what more treatment she will need. Now there is more than just a slight possibility of needing chemo. It's pretty much a given she'll need it. And I'm supposed to just leave? Geez. She of course still wants me to go, but....
It's interesting, because while preparing to move out of my apartment and for my trip, I was kind of sad. My life has been fantastic this past year. Even though Spain will be amazing and fun and exciting and a great experience, I was kind of sad because it meant that I would have to leave my cute little (expensive) apartment, my (amazing) Portland friends, my (super-fun) job.....I honestly was wondering why I had wanted to go to Spain for four months. Then I remembered why: it's Spain. Oh yeah.
But now I'm looking at this trying to figure out if I really should be going to Spain or not right now. On one hand, it will be amazing, I have no doubt. My mom wants me to go and one of her nurses told me I need to go because mom has to be able to live vicariously through me. On the other hand, I don't know if I would be able to function very well knowing everything that mom is going through and knowing that I'm not there to help in whatever little way I can. Also, I feel like maybe God put me in a place where I was enjoying my life so much, so that I wouldn't be sad if I ended up not being able to go. Like he knew that this was going to happen, so he made things fantastic for me so I'd kind of want to stay anyway.
I know it's silly because it's not like I'll really be able to do anything to help. She'll have dad, grandma, Megan/Jesse/baby, Kevin/Helen, Cricket....friends/other family. Plenty of caretakers and love-sharers. It's not like, by my being present, she'll be any more comforted or healed or anything. Actually, now that I think about it more, maybe its just selfish reasons why I want to stay. I like to be included and involved and a part of things that are important. Even things that aren't important actually. I just don't like to miss anything. Obviously I can still be involved in things if I'm not actually present. Just in a different way. And it's not like she'll forget that I love her if I'm not there (since I think she's the only person that reads this: love you, mom <3 ).
Ay yi yi, decisions are not fun to make. The main question is, would I be able to do okay in school and be able to thrive in a place so far away from where my momma is in pain. Or would I be a wreck? Again, all about me. This is making me feel very selfish. Maybe that should give me my answer right there...
Time to (try to) sleep. Hope I can sleep in this little chair-bed in the hospital room!
But back to this past week. Yikes. One of the most stressful of my life I think. Class, work, a final (for an impossibly hard class), moving, saying good-bye (even if not forever), change, lots of change, mom's surgery.....phew. I didn't know if I would make it, but here I am! Might sound ridiculous, on paper it doesn't sound that stressful. But it was just a lot going on all at once. And now, it's decision time.
When I first made plans for the trip to Spain, we found out mom was going to have to have surgery to fix a problem she's had for many years, since the birth of an almost-11-pound baby. I was nervous enough to be gone while she was recovering from that. I wanted to be there if she needed help and just to offer my support and love. Then we found out she had cancer, and would have to have that surgery before the other one. And I was even more nervous to be gone, since the recovery would be tougher and there was mention of a slight possibility of needing chemo. Then, we found out the cancer was not only in the right breast, but also in the sentinel node on the right side. So now we are waiting to find out if its in more than one of the nodes, and what more treatment she will need. Now there is more than just a slight possibility of needing chemo. It's pretty much a given she'll need it. And I'm supposed to just leave? Geez. She of course still wants me to go, but....
It's interesting, because while preparing to move out of my apartment and for my trip, I was kind of sad. My life has been fantastic this past year. Even though Spain will be amazing and fun and exciting and a great experience, I was kind of sad because it meant that I would have to leave my cute little (expensive) apartment, my (amazing) Portland friends, my (super-fun) job.....I honestly was wondering why I had wanted to go to Spain for four months. Then I remembered why: it's Spain. Oh yeah.
But now I'm looking at this trying to figure out if I really should be going to Spain or not right now. On one hand, it will be amazing, I have no doubt. My mom wants me to go and one of her nurses told me I need to go because mom has to be able to live vicariously through me. On the other hand, I don't know if I would be able to function very well knowing everything that mom is going through and knowing that I'm not there to help in whatever little way I can. Also, I feel like maybe God put me in a place where I was enjoying my life so much, so that I wouldn't be sad if I ended up not being able to go. Like he knew that this was going to happen, so he made things fantastic for me so I'd kind of want to stay anyway.
I know it's silly because it's not like I'll really be able to do anything to help. She'll have dad, grandma, Megan/Jesse/baby, Kevin/Helen, Cricket....friends/other family. Plenty of caretakers and love-sharers. It's not like, by my being present, she'll be any more comforted or healed or anything. Actually, now that I think about it more, maybe its just selfish reasons why I want to stay. I like to be included and involved and a part of things that are important. Even things that aren't important actually. I just don't like to miss anything. Obviously I can still be involved in things if I'm not actually present. Just in a different way. And it's not like she'll forget that I love her if I'm not there (since I think she's the only person that reads this: love you, mom <3 ).
Ay yi yi, decisions are not fun to make. The main question is, would I be able to do okay in school and be able to thrive in a place so far away from where my momma is in pain. Or would I be a wreck? Again, all about me. This is making me feel very selfish. Maybe that should give me my answer right there...
Time to (try to) sleep. Hope I can sleep in this little chair-bed in the hospital room!
Monday, August 16, 2010
brain, please turn off so I can sleep.
So much going on this week, it's pretty crazy. The last week of my class. My super-tough, might-kill-me class. Good thing I like Spanish or I would have definitely given up by now. Besides having homework to do every night (or the morning before class...), I also have to take the final exam on Friday. I don't normally get nervous for tests. Especially Spanish ones. I usually know the stuff inside out. But this stuff. Advanced-ish grammar. Relative pronouns. The passive voice. The Spanish equivalencies of the English "-ing" tenses (why on EARTH are there so many ways to say "I am speaking"?!). Lord help me. Seriously.
Also this week, I have to pack everything up in boxes. And get more boxes. And promise myself to never buy another thing. Ever.
I have two (maybe three?) more days of work. I love my little job and have a lot of fun there. Might actually miss it while I'm gone!
I have to say good-bye (that sounds dramatic, I'll only be gone for 4 months) to my friends here. I have met some beautiful people and made some amazing friends in Portland. Besides old friends from Corvallis, etc., I will miss everybody! Wish I could bring every single person to Spain with me.
Then, when its all said and done, I have to move everything out this weekend. Ay yi yi I hate moving. Reference above: "promise myself to never buy another thing." If I didn't have so many things, moving would be a piece of cake.
Then, when that's all said and done, momma has surgery on Monday morning. One week from today. Good-bye, cancer!
Whew. I can make it through this week. I can make it through this week. I can make it....."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Although apparently I'm not leaning on Christ enough as I seem to be unable to sleep. Even Tylenol PM has failed me the last couple nights. Not fun. At all.
Here's to getting a good night's sleep tonight! Ciao!
Also this week, I have to pack everything up in boxes. And get more boxes. And promise myself to never buy another thing. Ever.
I have two (maybe three?) more days of work. I love my little job and have a lot of fun there. Might actually miss it while I'm gone!
I have to say good-bye (that sounds dramatic, I'll only be gone for 4 months) to my friends here. I have met some beautiful people and made some amazing friends in Portland. Besides old friends from Corvallis, etc., I will miss everybody! Wish I could bring every single person to Spain with me.
Then, when its all said and done, I have to move everything out this weekend. Ay yi yi I hate moving. Reference above: "promise myself to never buy another thing." If I didn't have so many things, moving would be a piece of cake.
Then, when that's all said and done, momma has surgery on Monday morning. One week from today. Good-bye, cancer!
Whew. I can make it through this week. I can make it through this week. I can make it....."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Although apparently I'm not leaning on Christ enough as I seem to be unable to sleep. Even Tylenol PM has failed me the last couple nights. Not fun. At all.
Here's to getting a good night's sleep tonight! Ciao!
Monday, August 9, 2010
a few of my favorite things
In an earlier blog, I stated that I wanted to get an iPod shuffle. I changed my mind. They have terrible reviews and I hate that the controls are all in the headphones. Sooo I did a little research and found that the Sansa Clip seems to be the best mini-mp3 player out there right now. So that's what I bought. It holds twice as many songs as the iPod and was like $30 less. So cute and little and sounds great!
Another one of my favorites is a kind of makeup. Most girls love mascara. I am one of those girls. Except I really love it. Anyone who has ever watched me put on makeup knows that I spend a long time coating my eyelashes over and over again with the black goopy stuff. I've tried many kinds of mascara, some good, some bad. And then I tried this. Maybelline's "Colossal Volum' Express." I love it so much I think I would marry it if I could. They claim that you will have "colossal lashes in just one coat!" Which is true. But I still go for a good 5 or 6 coats. I stop right before I attain Tammy Faye Bakker-level eyelashes. This mascara is normally like $6 for a tube. But every once in a while they will do a package of TWO tubes for the price of one. That's when I stock up. But when I used up my last one, I couldn't find any of the two-for-one ers. And because I am too cheap to pay $6 for a thing of mascara, I kept trying different kinds in hopes that I would find another one I liked, at least until they did the deal again. I went through like 3 different kinds until they FINALLY did the 2-for-1 again. So I bought 3. Which means I bought 6 tubes of mascara. I should be set for, oh, maybe 6 months? Hahahahah hopefully longer, but with the amount of mascara I pile on, you never know.
Another one of my favorites is a kind of makeup. Most girls love mascara. I am one of those girls. Except I really love it. Anyone who has ever watched me put on makeup knows that I spend a long time coating my eyelashes over and over again with the black goopy stuff. I've tried many kinds of mascara, some good, some bad. And then I tried this. Maybelline's "Colossal Volum' Express." I love it so much I think I would marry it if I could. They claim that you will have "colossal lashes in just one coat!" Which is true. But I still go for a good 5 or 6 coats. I stop right before I attain Tammy Faye Bakker-level eyelashes. This mascara is normally like $6 for a tube. But every once in a while they will do a package of TWO tubes for the price of one. That's when I stock up. But when I used up my last one, I couldn't find any of the two-for-one ers. And because I am too cheap to pay $6 for a thing of mascara, I kept trying different kinds in hopes that I would find another one I liked, at least until they did the deal again. I went through like 3 different kinds until they FINALLY did the 2-for-1 again. So I bought 3. Which means I bought 6 tubes of mascara. I should be set for, oh, maybe 6 months? Hahahahah hopefully longer, but with the amount of mascara I pile on, you never know.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
pretty poetry
I love this. I don't even really know why. Usually I hate poetry. But this is just lovely!
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